-pooped on
-peed on
-vomited on
-sucked on
-pumped
-bitten
-crawled up
-screamed and cried at
-through 24 hours of back labor
-scarred
-late
-to too many Dr. appointments
-through 5 clogged milk ducts
-producing about 2 gallons of milk a week
-trying not to speed with a cryer in the back
-doing gobs of laundry
-spening around $1000 on diapers
-changing about 90% of those diapers
-woken up every 1-2 hours every night (except for 8 uninterupted nights)
-lugging a whole person around
...I've never, ever heard my mother complain about being my mom. This dawned on me today....
How is this possible? Is she some kinda superwoman? What grace...
It is Mother's Day and Sullivan is a week away from being 1 year old. The above list is really not meant to be a list of complaints. Really. I'm just making note. ;)
But do you know what's really on my mind as Sully completes one year of life?
-Have I been the best mother that I could have been?
-Have I made all the right choices this year for his emotional well-being?
-Has he been eating all the right foods?
-Have I been praying the right prayers for him?
-Have I been praying enough for him?
-Should I have spent more time with him during his first 3 months instead of shoot weddings?
-I regret not fighting to hold him sooner after he was born (I didn't get to hold him for 4 hours after c-section). What affect will that have on him?
-I regret not demanding to sleep his first night in the nic-u with him and being by his side.
-I hope he doesn't feel trauma from when we went away for 6 days and left him with his grandparents (at 9 months).
-Have I read the right books?
-Have I chosen the right parenting style?
-I crave happiness for him.
-I plead for his health.
-I pray he'll have an awesome relationship with his Savior.
-I desperately hope I can give him the opportunities for a future filled with love, happiness, adventure, and success.
-I ache for him. I hope and pray I can be the mother that God designed me to be for Sullivan.
Being a mother has been an incredibly emotional and physical experience thus far. And it has only been one year. My perception of, appreciation, and love for my own mother has been changed dramatically.
Could you possibly comprehend how much I love being Sullivan's Mommy?
In the past year my baby boy has...
-smiled at me
-kissed me
-squeezed me
-cooed at me
-reached for me
-snuggled me
-rolled over, sat up, crawled, stood up, walked
-grown (gained 18 pounds!)
-called me "Mama"
-danced
-clapped
-leaned on my shoulder
-showed a love for mechanics, water, spoons, music, and books :)
-played with his puppy
-squealed
-given the goofiest, toothy grin
-woken up with smiles and kisses for me every morning (since he's been able)
-napped in my arms
-splashed in the tub
-believes his daddy is "Superman!"
-given me a new view on hope
-made my husband a good, proud Daddy
-made me a happy Momma
-given me reason, and made me want, to strive to be better
-changed our future
-needed me
-loved me
-blessed me
-changed my life.
It is very difficult to describe exactly how becoming a mother changes your entire life... what that feels like... what is so dramatically yet delicately, subtly different about you.
Ryan and I were just discussing what things have not changed since Sully was born. We are still the same people. Same goals, dreams, interests... But how we live our lives... that will never be the same.
