Patients, waiting, and wanting.

Patients has been a big prayer of mine for a long time. And I know that God is not going to just "grant" me patients. He's much more likely to give me opportunities to be patient. Ugh. It's kinda like asking to be cursed, right!?

Well. I also have a thing with "wants." I don't like wanting things. For instance, I'll avoid shopping at a place I know I'll love or know is having a big sale because I don't want to want. I don't want to tempt myself. Especially when it's things I don't need.

Well lately (umm, the past 3 years?) I've REALLY been wanting a house. A home. Someplace where I can paint the walls, care to organize, clean, and decorate. I want to live in a community where I know I can invest time into that won't be wasted (find a church I won't be uprooted from in a year, meet other moms, join a gym, etc).

I've never liked forming relationships that I know won't last. For instance -when I was younger, at the end of a week at camp, when everyone was exchanging addresses, I was often alone. I hadn't formed any friendships. I really honestly didn't want to! I didn't want to be fake, and tell someone I'd write/call all the time or hear that I'd be missed so much. Ich - realistically these relationships are so totally forgotten with a week. I know I miss out on a LOT when I have this attitude. It's horrible of me. But I want to invest in something real. Something super meaningful and longlasting.

This means that... I never invest time in anything new. Everytime we sign a new lease on an apartment I just know that all the boxes will be packed right back up in 1 year. This is NOT a long enough time to settle in and get really comfortable. Some boxes often never get unpacked. I don't really care or try to get to know my new surroundings that well. I guess if I'll be leaving so soon, I don't want to have to be sad to go.

What I'm trying to get at is... for the past eight years I've felt like I've been patiently waiting and wanting. Haven't I been patient long enough!? I'm building... I have my education, I have an incredible husband, a perfect baby boy, and a good start on my career. I just want a place where I can put it all and I know it won't be changing on me in the next year. I'd like some more stability. I crave it.

Ryan has a little over a year until he finishes grad school and gets his masters. He is so awesome. So right now we just wait. I can't even look for a house until we know where he'll be working (especially with the economy).

I think the most frustrating part for me is that we've already started our family. I want to give Sullivan the stability that I'm longing for. And I really want our family to grow! But our situation is not ideal for another baby. It wasn't ideal for the first one either so... do we just say "bring on the insanity!" or do we wait? ( More patients, waiting, and wanting...)

Grr. I am so happy. I have been so incredibly blessed with what I have. Thats why I hate this wanting feeling. As if I'm not fulfilled. I wish I could just shake it off. I know in my heart that what I want is coming. God has awesome plans for us. What I need to do is just look around and enjoy His plan that I am living in presently. Looking ahead to the future is great, but not if that's what you're living for.

Soaking up the present. That is my new goal. I don't need to be patient. I have everything that I need for right now, right now. This will be my focus.

Gosh, I had know idea that this post was going play out and end like this!

We're back.

We are back -and we had a great time. The only bummer of the trip was missing Sullivan.

I blogged a tad on my laptop (without internet connection) and I'll get that on here soon. Right now I'm still trying to catch up with pictures, dishes, laundry, unpacking, and emails. I keep thinking of things I want to blog -but it'll have to wait a bit.

Sully has been a little needy -he wants to be held a lot (which I totally understand)- so it's been tough to get things done. But for now -we're back, safe, had a great time, and I am anxious to find routine again.

I feel so great!

I just have to share that Sully only woke me up twice last night to eat and get a diaper change. ! Twice! I got like 6 1/2 hours of sleep with only 2 interruptions! So now... Sully is taking his nap and I am not! YeeHaw! I'm using this nice special time to eat and blog. And I got a shower this morning.

Today Rocks.

Not Me! Monday

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.


This week I did not stay up way too late and attempt to wax my legs and end up with a sticky icky mess and angry red bumps all over my legs. I also didn't run into the bedroom and get into bed to feed Sullivan with wax on my legs. Not me! I have better sense than that. And better timing.

I did not tell my husband that I caught a mouse under a bowl and laugh as I watched him maneuver it outside to throw it in the yard. I would never pull such a mean prank on my DH, especially in this uber-chilli weather! Not me!

When Sullivan woke up for the 7th time in one night (this time for a diaper change) and my sweet husband said, "You're doing a good job Kimmy" I did not say "Do you wanna do a good job? I think you should do a good job." Not me! I am not sassy and I let my husband sleep peacefully when he has to get up to work the next morning.

Sunshine!

Next week Ryan and I will be leaving for Puerto Vallarta! I booked a destination wedding there which I am SO INCREDIBLY EXCITED about!!! What better location is there for a wedding photographer than on the BEACH!?

Ryan and I have never vacationed "just the two of us." We've have been a lot of places together with family or school or college. This is going to be the Honeymoon! With some workin' on the side. :)

I've been packing for like 2 weeks already. A little bit because I need to, a lot a bit because it's all I can think about!

I'm totally bummed to leave Sullivan for 2 weeks. My mom will be taking time off work to have him the whole week (I'm so thankful to her!). My dad and Ryan's parents will be around to help out. I'm just going to miss him so much. Ugh. I really try not to think about that part. No matter what, it'll suck and I'll just have to deal with it. I know he'll be fine and happy.

I made Sullivan a DVD to watch. It has pictures of us (Me, Ryan, Sullivan, and Brinkley), video clips of Ryan and I singing songs with Sullivan -mostly ones he is familiar with, video of Ryan and I reading Sullivan's favorite stories, and a video of Sully, Ryan and Brinkley -Brinkley is doing her tricks and Sully is laughing. I turned out pretty awesome I think -for not having done anything like it before. I also put together a family picture album that he can play with. We've been going through it, pointing out who's who with him, for a few weeks now.


So, aside from missing out on big Sully kisses for a week (and dirty diapers, waking up every hour or so, laundry, and dishes) I am super pumped. I'll be returning with a tan, beautiful memories, refreshed energy, and probably about 6,000 pictures to sift though.

Laundry Adventure

Today Sullivan helped me with the laundry.

   Sully has been exploring things a bit more with his mouth.  Brinkley's toys were pretty much gross.  They are the dog's toys so I've never thought to wash them before today.

Brinkley was pretty concerned about the well being of her toys...  but Sully took good care of them. 

And then he tasted them -to make sure they were clean.

I think we'll hang out in the laundry basket more often.  ;)

Yummy

Sully doesn't eat a lot of food yet.  Today I gave him a slice of peach and some banana in this awesome mesh food thingy while he watched a little movie on www.hulu.com.  (It was called Boo -I think.)   This is what he thought of his yummy peach and banana: 

He continued to eat it for 20 minutes or so.  So it must not have been that bad! :)

You know you're a mom Thursday

You know you're a mom when:

-You call all the people you talk with most to tell them not to call you because your baby is finally sleeping. "Don't call me! I'll call you!"

-Your so excited to open up a new box of pamper diapers/wipes to get the "gifts to grow" codes. And you really hope you get enough points this time to get the $10 Starbucks card! (Too bad it's not Caribou though.)

-You haven't gotten a phone call all day and you suddenly realize the last time you saw the phone, it was in the baby's hands. Off the hook all day.

-When you go to the mall, you always go to the same one. Because it has the nicest nursing stations.

-The washing machine is being used to wash all the dog's toys. The baby keeps trying to chew them.

-You haven't carried your purse in months. You've consolidated all of your junk into one giant diaper bag.

-You find yourself calling your darling husband "Daddy." And it actually doesn't sounds quite as strange as you would have thought.

-Your facebook/myspace profile pic is not a picture of you... but of your baby.

Sully's Poll

The poll has ended. The results? A tie. 6 votes for a vegetarian diet and 6 votes against it. Hmmm. I'll break that tie! :) Thank you everyone for your comments! It really helps reassure that we're making a good decision.

No chicken mcnuggets for this kid. I hope he likes tofurky!

:)

No, no, no?

Sully just learned to shake his head "no." Sometimes it seams to actually mean "no" and other times -like this- he's just so happy to be shakin'! Can you tell he loves his Daddy? He loves to do the back and forth mimic thing with him! He's always looking at Ryan to make sure he's watching him.