The Budget

The budget says...

Here I Go Again...

Yep. It's been... very close to a full year since my last post titled "I am Sullivan's Mommy." Guess what. Now I am also Story's Mommy. :)



I guess a lot has happened this year. Oy. Obviously Ryan and I got pregnant and had a baby girl. Yea! StoryJames Virginia Kasl was born on January 29th. She is my Beautiful Babe. I love her to pieces! I am so happy to be the mother of a boy and a girl!

Ryan is ONE week away from finishing his Master's Degree! He is interviewing tomorrow for a position as a special education teacher in Shakopee. I know he'll get it.

Ryan is a super-human. While going to school full time, he has been working full time (and then student teaching), being an awesome husband (to a crazy pregant lady for 9 months -otherwise I am perfectly normal and lovely of course), he is a terrific father (Sullivan cannot wait for Daddy to come home from work!), and he has held it all together beautifully. And if that's not super-human enough, he is graduating with a 4.0 GPA. !

So since our lives have peaked at about the craziest they'll hopefully ever be, we've been living with our parent's for the past 8 months. A few months at my parents' and then a few at Ryan's. Back and forth. It has helped keep a happy balance. Our parents have been completely wonderful. We are so thankful for everything they do to support us while we're on this path.

In the next few weeks we'll be finding out what God has planned for the next chapter in our lives. I'm so excited to settle into a place that's ours that I don't even care that we'll be renting! Ha! My house-buying jitters have settled. I'm sure the time will come soon enough.

I've been thinking about blogging a lot lately. Writing really helps me sort my thoughts. Sometimes I'll ramble out a paragraph and re-read it and think. "Huh, I didn't even really know I felt that way." I think this is a good thing. I spend pretty much all of my time with two crazy amazing kids. They keep me on my toes and some blogging time for just me is very much in order.

Some topics I'd like to blurb out include:

-Diet stuff. Nutrition related -not weight-loss related. (Of course, when am I not thinking about diet?)

-Wife stuff. (I'm reading an awesome book, "Created to be His Help Meet.")

-Mommy stuff. Ideas for activities and such.

-Fitness Goals

-Photography

-Homeschooling ideas.

-God and Prayer stuff. (WHY did this show up last on the list? This is what's happening.)

...and of course I want to post some pictures. <3

I am Sullivan's Mommy

In the last year I've been...

-pooped on
-peed on
-vomited on
-sucked on
-pumped
-bitten
-crawled up
-screamed and cried at
-through 24 hours of back labor
-scarred
-late
-to too many Dr. appointments
-through 5 clogged milk ducts
-producing about 2 gallons of milk a week
-trying not to speed with a cryer in the back
-doing gobs of laundry
-spening around $1000 on diapers
-changing about 90% of those diapers
-woken up every 1-2 hours every night (except for 8 uninterupted nights)
-lugging a whole person around



...I've never, ever heard my mother complain about being my mom. This dawned on me today....
How is this possible? Is she some kinda superwoman? What grace...

It is Mother's Day and Sullivan is a week away from being 1 year old. The above list is really not meant to be a list of complaints. Really. I'm just making note. ;)




But do you know what's really on my mind as Sully completes one year of life?


-Have I been the best mother that I could have been?
-Have I made all the right choices this year for his emotional well-being?
-Has he been eating all the right foods?
-Have I been praying the right prayers for him?
-Have I been praying enough for him?
-Should I have spent more time with him during his first 3 months instead of shoot weddings?
-I regret not fighting to hold him sooner after he was born (I didn't get to hold him for 4 hours after c-section). What affect will that have on him?
-I regret not demanding to sleep his first night in the nic-u with him and being by his side.
-I hope he doesn't feel trauma from when we went away for 6 days and left him with his grandparents (at 9 months).
-Have I read the right books?
-Have I chosen the right parenting style?
-I crave happiness for him.
-I plead for his health.
-I pray he'll have an awesome relationship with his Savior.
-I desperately hope I can give him the opportunities for a future filled with love, happiness, adventure, and success.
-I ache for him. I hope and pray I can be the mother that God designed me to be for Sullivan.



Being a mother has been an incredibly emotional and physical experience thus far. And it has only been one year. My perception of, appreciation, and love for my own mother has been changed dramatically.

Could you possibly comprehend how much I love being Sullivan's Mommy?


In the past year my baby boy has...


-smiled at me
-kissed me
-squeezed me
-cooed at me
-reached for me
-snuggled me
-rolled over, sat up, crawled, stood up, walked
-grown (gained 18 pounds!)
-called me "Mama"
-danced
-clapped
-leaned on my shoulder
-showed a love for mechanics, water, spoons, music, and books :)
-played with his puppy
-squealed
-given the goofiest, toothy grin
-woken up with smiles and kisses for me every morning (since he's been able)
-napped in my arms
-splashed in the tub
-believes his daddy is "Superman!"
-given me a new view on hope
-made my husband a good, proud Daddy
-made me a happy Momma
-given me reason, and made me want, to strive to be better
-changed our future
-needed me
-loved me
-blessed me
-changed my life.

It is very difficult to describe exactly how becoming a mother changes your entire life... what that feels like... what is so dramatically yet delicately, subtly different about you.

Ryan and I were just discussing what things have not changed since Sully was born. We are still the same people. Same goals, dreams, interests... But how we live our lives... that will never be the same.

It's a done deal.

I have declared veganism. "I am vegan!" As of yesterday evening. :)

I used a couple of weeks to really get used to the idea, stock up on just a few dairy-free products, and had my grand finale this weekend. I had two days of gluten. (Of which I have mixed feelings of excitement and disgust.)

[The reason for gluten and not cheese and eggs is that I really, really, really am not going to have any more wheat days -ever. (I have a wheat day every couple of months so that I have something to look forward to and don't give in on my glutenous cravings.) What would the point be of having a wheat day once I'm vegan? What's a pizza without the cheese?]

I indulged in a few faves -which left me feeling bloated, tired, headache-y, filled with "air," and quite plump:

Macaroni and Cheese
Veggie Corn Dogs
An entire foot long Veggie sub at Subway
Mozz Sticks
Buca (Eggplant and Penne Pasta)
Pizza


On Saturday night, I ate my last bite of pizza and said "I'm done." I felt nasty. And so ready for an exciting change in diet.

So yep, today I was a vegan. Ha! This is crazy.

Going Vegan

I've been a vegetarian for nine years.

It started as a presentation/report in a high-school health class. The topics were assigned randomly. So basically, vegetarianism was not something I sought out or was even interested in.

In my research I found so many benefits of eating a meat-free diet and learned about what eating meat for the rest of my life would do to my health. I couldn't ignore it and making the switch was actually really really easy. I started the very next day and haven't missed it.


I guess I've always been health-minded and pretty "aware" of what I eat. But last year when I found out I was pregnant food become super prominent in my thoughts and I was even more aware of my nutrition. I haven't been able to get becoming vegan out of my head ever since.


I'm so excited to just do it and feel better about it! I know there are things that
I will miss:
Butter
Espresso Coolers at Caribou
Whip and Drizzle! and Caribou
Everything Caribou... I really hope their soy drinks are tasty!
Cheese on my tacos
Sour Cream
Dairy Queen
Provolone on my veggie burgers.

and I know
I won't miss:
Milk -I haven't had a glass in ages. (Besides right after Sully was born -I craved it and it was really weird.)
Eggs -I sometimes can eat them, but if you think about it, dude, they're chicken periods. :-0



It's not like I won't get to eat the things that I want. There are some awesome substitutions out there! They just aren't as readily available and they are a bit pricier.


Ryan is all for it. I'm so lucky that my husband supports me in this! He agrees that it's healthier and all, he just isn't motivated to make any changes in his (already very healthy) diet. That's cool with me. :) (Maybe someday!?)

I'm going about the transition pretty slowly. Making immediate changes has worked well for me with vegetarianism and going gluten free, but I just bought bulk cheese (shredded cheddar and provolone slices) at Sam's Club. :) So I told myself that I'll just make changes until the cheese is gone and that'll be it! Vegan!



For the past week everything but the cheese has been vegan -oh, except for on Easter. I couldn't bare to tell my grandma that I was taking eggs and dairy out of my diet. She makes the best holiday meals... oh man, I don't want to have to tell her.

Patients, waiting, and wanting.

Patients has been a big prayer of mine for a long time. And I know that God is not going to just "grant" me patients. He's much more likely to give me opportunities to be patient. Ugh. It's kinda like asking to be cursed, right!?

Well. I also have a thing with "wants." I don't like wanting things. For instance, I'll avoid shopping at a place I know I'll love or know is having a big sale because I don't want to want. I don't want to tempt myself. Especially when it's things I don't need.

Well lately (umm, the past 3 years?) I've REALLY been wanting a house. A home. Someplace where I can paint the walls, care to organize, clean, and decorate. I want to live in a community where I know I can invest time into that won't be wasted (find a church I won't be uprooted from in a year, meet other moms, join a gym, etc).

I've never liked forming relationships that I know won't last. For instance -when I was younger, at the end of a week at camp, when everyone was exchanging addresses, I was often alone. I hadn't formed any friendships. I really honestly didn't want to! I didn't want to be fake, and tell someone I'd write/call all the time or hear that I'd be missed so much. Ich - realistically these relationships are so totally forgotten with a week. I know I miss out on a LOT when I have this attitude. It's horrible of me. But I want to invest in something real. Something super meaningful and longlasting.

This means that... I never invest time in anything new. Everytime we sign a new lease on an apartment I just know that all the boxes will be packed right back up in 1 year. This is NOT a long enough time to settle in and get really comfortable. Some boxes often never get unpacked. I don't really care or try to get to know my new surroundings that well. I guess if I'll be leaving so soon, I don't want to have to be sad to go.

What I'm trying to get at is... for the past eight years I've felt like I've been patiently waiting and wanting. Haven't I been patient long enough!? I'm building... I have my education, I have an incredible husband, a perfect baby boy, and a good start on my career. I just want a place where I can put it all and I know it won't be changing on me in the next year. I'd like some more stability. I crave it.

Ryan has a little over a year until he finishes grad school and gets his masters. He is so awesome. So right now we just wait. I can't even look for a house until we know where he'll be working (especially with the economy).

I think the most frustrating part for me is that we've already started our family. I want to give Sullivan the stability that I'm longing for. And I really want our family to grow! But our situation is not ideal for another baby. It wasn't ideal for the first one either so... do we just say "bring on the insanity!" or do we wait? ( More patients, waiting, and wanting...)

Grr. I am so happy. I have been so incredibly blessed with what I have. Thats why I hate this wanting feeling. As if I'm not fulfilled. I wish I could just shake it off. I know in my heart that what I want is coming. God has awesome plans for us. What I need to do is just look around and enjoy His plan that I am living in presently. Looking ahead to the future is great, but not if that's what you're living for.

Soaking up the present. That is my new goal. I don't need to be patient. I have everything that I need for right now, right now. This will be my focus.

Gosh, I had know idea that this post was going play out and end like this!

25 Random Things

I was tagged to do this survey type thing on facebook and since I spent so much time on it I thought I should include it here. :)

Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you.


1. I love that this note is 25 things. I love the number 25. It's our "family number". My birthday, my sister's birthday, and my parents' anniversary all land on the 25th.

2. I have had all of my wisdom teeth taken out. 2 at a time. I was conscious during both procedures and it did NOT hurt. People have such a fear about getting their teeth pulled. Just relax!

3. I am always thirsty and on average drink a little under a gallon of water a day. (I know this because I really don't like city water and buy -and refill- gallon water jugs.)

4. I seem to be allergic to everything. The list includes: dust, mold, wheat, cats, dogs, hairspray, corn, ragweed, cigarette smoke, and grass. (I didn't just think this list up. I was tested and diagnosed. Milk and eggs were on list when I was younger.)

5. I have a BA Degree in Studio Art with emphasis in photography and digital imaging. If I had taken Psych Research Methods I would have a minor in Psychology.

6. I have laughed so hard that I threw up more times than I wish to count. (It's really embarrassing, and it totally freaks out everyone unfortunate enough to witness it.)

7. I have been a vegetarian for 9 years. It all started with a project that Adam Grise and I did in health class in high school. I remember drawing the slip of paper from Ms. Myers' (was that her name?) hands. "Vegetarian Diet vs. Regular Diet" I wish I had the oomph to be vegan. I just don't think I can take another thing out of my diet.

8. My sister, Becky, lives in Portland, Oregon and I miss her SO MUCH.

9. I LOVE my job. I work at weddings! What could be better?! I loved planning my own wedding and after witnessing so many big days I would love to become a wedding planner in like 15-20 years. Celebrity weddings? I think so! :) Maybe for me and Ryan's 25th wedding anniversary we can renew our vows, and threw a super monster "wedding" party! (You know, cuz I'll be rich from planning all the celebrity weddings!) ;)

10. I LOVE my job. I work at home! What could be better?! :) Being a mom is way more involved than I ever would have imagined, but I love it. I want more babies. :) I'm so glad that I am fortunate enough to get to stay home with Sullivan.

11. I'm thinking about homeschooling Sullivan. Something I never dreamed I would ever do. This definitely would not be for more than just his first few years of schooling. Maybe up to like 2nd or 3rd grade. It could be really exciting. I would love to see where his interests are and what he excels at and delve deep.

12. Apparently I'm a rule breaker. (Norm breaker maybe?) Sully co-sleeps with us, he is not vaccinated, he is fully intact, he is still breastfeeding (with no end in sight), and he'll be fed a vegetarian diet. Prior to his birth I had no intention of doing any of these things (besides toying with the vegetarian idea) but I've done a lot of researching, praying, listening to my own instincts, and refusing to blindly follow without asking questions. And there is a lot to learn.

13. I love the show wheel of fortune and really want to someday be a contestant! I watched it a lot with my grandpa when I was young. Sadly, we do not have a tv and every weekday at 6:30 I really wish we did. :(

14. I like entering contests. You can't win if you don't enter! I once won a $5000 diamond ring. (I do not gamble -I don't enter lotteries or do pull-tabs. Only free contests for me.) My goal is to win a car. I've been close. (Thanks Mo!)

15. In High School Stacy (Anderson) McDowell, Jill Larson, and I dressed in red saran wrap one day during spirit weak of my junior year. I can't believe we did that. Who's idea was that anyway!? And when your friend suggests something so insane, WHY would you say yes???

16. I love swimming. I was on the swim team in 8th grade but was told that to be on the team in High School, you had to be asked back. Never got asked so I assumed I wasn't good enough. Joined my senior year in college (very small -I joined during it's first year). I wasn't awesome but I really just wanted to swim. I'm not that competitive I just love to swim. (I had to quite 1/2 way through the season. I was getting migraines from the strain on my neck from turning my head to breathe -stupid. I had been in a car accident that hurt my neck earlier that year. Yada yada.)

17. In middle school I took Cassie Soukup and my 4-ish year old cousin, Allyssa for a 4 wheeler ride. We went up a hill that the little 4 wheeler was apparently not strong enough to climb with all 3 of us on it. It reared back (I may have braked a little bit), Cassie fell off, and we rolled right over her on our backward way down! Poor poor Cassie!

18. I have art displayed in the science department at the U of M in Morris. Irony. Two photographs titled Swish that I had shown in the senior art show.

19. I would love to have a darkroom someday. Possible retirement art hobby? This better happen someday or I'm saving my film camera for nothing.

20. When I was 12/13 -ish I was at a Hallmark shop checking out the Winnie the Pooh photo albums along the back wall when an old man came up behind me and grabbed a huge chunk of my bottom and then left. I was frozen, scared, and weak. What a horrible feeling. Later, I was mad that I hadn't reacted more strongly and actually wished it would happen again so I could go ape on whoever did that to me.

21. Growing up, my family went on 3 big vacations. Disney World, Disney World, and Cancun. All three were paid for with saved change.

22. In High School I got in huge trouble for spending the night at someone's graduation party rather than the friend's house where my parent's thought I was. Hugest regret in my life. Betrayed my parents' trust, didn't get to go on the marching band trip, etc, etc... But now I can see where it fell into place with God's plan for my life.

23. I always have to feel "even." When putting my socks on, the second one must be put on very quickly to ensure that the first sock was not on much longer than the first. (Same goes for removal.) My socks must be the same color, have the same amount of wear, and be hole-free. If I step on a crack, rug, shadow, or other off-colored turf with one foot, it feels "heavy" and I have to look ahead to find something to step on with the other foot (and on the same area of my foot) to "even" it out. I don't think about this struggle all the time but I am always unconsciously doing it. I know this because Ryan will try to throw me off just when he knows I'm about to make a crucial "evening-out" step. My body actually jumps to make that step rather than try to catch myself from tripping.

24. When I was around 5 I always complained of an itch between my big two and second toe and between my pointer and middle fingers on both hands and feet. My parents had me checked out at the Dr. -I don't think they came to a conclusion. I remember my dad getting so frustrated with my complaining, he always told me that it was all in my head. It STILL itches all the time and I still have no idea what it is. Also -the same "even" rules that are in #23 apply to the scratching. Has anyone experienced anything like this?

25. My husband, Ryan, and I have been together for eight years (5.5 dating, 2.5 married). We went to H.S. and college together. We've been on 1 cruise with both of our families. 1 cruise, 2 trips to St. Maartin, and 1 trip to Disney World with his family. 1 H.S. choir trip took us to Chicago. We spent a month in England on a college choir tour. In 18 days we will go on our first trip alone! We're going to Puerto Vallarta and I cannot wait!

Goals

Have you ever heard that the most successful people in the world are the ones who write down their goals?  I've done this in the past but have always misplaced my lists.  :)  I think the point is to look at them, be reminded of them, and to always have them in your thoughts.  So I'm going to keep them recorded here.  I'm just going to start small and I'll probably continue to add to the list.  There's no limit, right?

Financial Goals:

Have my school loans paid off.

Have Ryan's school loans paid off. 

Own a home (and furnish it!).

Have enough money to pay for our kids' college. (Although I don't actually want to pay for it... or at least I don't want them to know it. I want them to be responsible for it.  Possibly after they've finished college we can surprise them by paying off all of their school loans.)

Have enough money to vacation once a year.

To be able to buy a Caribou Coffee (for myself and a friend!) without worrying about our budget!

Ryan and I have not made a habit of using a credit card.  The only purchases we've made on our one card have been for business  -photography equipment (computer, cam gear, etc).  My goal is to keep it this way.  I think living within our means is a huge step in attaining these goals.

Numbers...  I didn't put any amounts anywhere.  I just don't know what it would take to fulfill all of these goals. But!  I would LOVE for them to be fulfilled in 5 years.  I'm sure the house obviously wouldn't be fully paid for though.  (And the kids' college goal isn't about to happen in 5 years either.)

Like I said, I'll come back with more.